The past is the past and I can only move forward from here

It happened, this past week Felicia, Jean, Julie, and I taught the second grade class on the social studies topic: "13 colonies, One Country." While I have a lot to say about this fieldwork experience, I just want to begin by  stating that I still have a long way to go before I completely and  feel totally comfortable up in front of a class. I spent all of this time with my group preparing Prezi presentations, power-points, creating engaging projects and assignments, and feeling prepared and confident to actually standing up in front of the second grade class and realizing that preparing and creating is only half of it. I had visions of myself standing up in front of the classroom: sounding confident, sounding enthusiastic, sounding like I knew what I was talking about, but in reality I kept on stuttering, there were awkward silences (most of the time my doing), and when I explained the class, let's just say, independence I sounded or at least it felt like I sounded that I did not know what I talked about. In addition, I was also told that my legs were crossed and my arms were moving around too much. That is not what I imagined in my head for me to sound or even look like, but imagining and experiencing are too different things. Now let me take the rest of my fieldwork reflection one day at a time.

Day 1: Direct Instruction 

I taught my first lesson on March 3rd, and since this was a direct instruction lesson, our group used the Prezi in order to teach the students material about the 13 Colonies, One Country. The prevalent topics included was: 13 colonies, American Revolution, Paul Revere, George Washington, The Declaration of Independence, and Independence Day. Our central focus was on how the 13 colonies fought against England in order to gain independence. Not to toot my own horn or anything,  but our group planned a great lesson. We went in prepared and we divided who was saying what among the four of us. Among the materials used was a Prezi, we utilized the true and false vortex activity on Smart board twice where we had students come up and decide whether the statement was true or if it was false. Students could drag the statement in the true vortex or the false vortex depending on the statement and we had two of those halfway through the  lesson and then closer towards the end. In addition, we also had students complete a crossword puzzle at the very end of the lesson and their homework was an article and questions on Paul Revere. Overall, the lesson went great. We were all prepared and contributed to making the lesson run as successfully and efficiently as possible. However, as I mentioned before, I had to learn the hard way that coming in prepared is only half of it. I look at the first lesson and how it ran and I feel proud of my group members. I know that we were all nervous because none of us have ever taught in front of a big group of students in a classroom before, but I will admit, they handled themselves better then me. Julie started the lesson, then Jean continued, then Felicia, then me. Among the three of them, they all sounded confident, knowledgeable, and enthusiastic. Then comes me. I may have sounded enthusiastic, but that is the only positive thing I can contribute to my teaching. I sounded nervous, I stuttered, there were awkward silences, and I did not sound confident about the material I was teaching. One could argue that I was just really nervous, but so were the previous groups and they all kept their nerves under control. I do not know how I sound or look stating this, but after the lesson was over I had to ask myself: Why me? Why did I sound so anxious compared to everyone else? I have just as much experience as everyone in my class does, but I am the one who blew it. On this first day, I felt like I let my team members down, the second graders down, and more significant I think, myself down. Even though I was told I did a good job, I know I did not. But I thought that there are two more lessons left, and I could only get better from there. Right? Wrong.


 


Day 2: Inquiry Lesson 

On the second day was the inquiry lesson. I will admit, our group came in less prepared than last time. We literally created this whole lesson the night before we were to teach it, but the overall lesson itself was good. We gave students four clues ( three sentences and a picture) about a specific topic learned (George Washington, Paul Revere, ect.) and they were to ask: Who am I or what am ? For each of the topics and based off the clues, students were supposed to make a hypothesis of what they think the clue is referring too, based on the first two clues students picked out, and then after reading all of the clues and seeing the picture, students were to make a hypothesis or if... then statement. At the end, each group presented one of the five topics. Each students read or explained a clue, then explained their hypothesis and conclusion. At the end,  each one of us would explain why the conclusion was right or wrong. For this lesson, we utilized the PowerPoint in order to go over the scientific method, to model out an example, and to explain the justified answers of why the conclusion was right or wrong, or in other words, who George Washington is and what the Declaration of Independence is (as an example). To be completely honest, I thought that this lesson could have went better, but on everyone's part, not just mine. I felt that we were all kind of unprepared, but everyone handled it, contributed,  and spoke well, except for me apparently. At the end of the lesson when we were reflecting with Dr. Smironova I told my other group members that I felt that I did not get the opportunity to speak. I did not mean any harm by it nor did I say it in order to be mean. I said it because that is how I felt. Looking back at how my other group felt, I see their perspective as well. They all felt that I did not speak when I was supposed too and they all built off of what everyone said, except for me. Now that they said that, I understand. I should have contributed more in the lesson. When it came to creating it, I thought I contributed a lot, but actually teaching it, there was room for improvement. Julie, Felicia, and Jean took over while I, for lack of a better term, slacked. I did not mean to slack. I meant to contribute, I meant to speak more, but the only thing I can say is that I did not get an opportunity too, or at least that is how I felt at the time. When I meant to speak, I hesitated, and that is when the other members of my group jumped it. When it comes to students, they can smell fear. They can sense hesitation and it affects the atmosphere and the way they learn. It is crucial for students to learn and engage in a positive and confident atmosphere with confident teachers, so during this lesson, I felt that I yet again let everyone except for myself down. Friday, however, was going to be my chance to shine since I was leading the whole lesson.


   

Day 3: Cooperative Lesson 

Friday was the lesson that I was to prove to myself specifically that I can be the teacher I imagine myself to be. During the cooperative lesson, we split students up into four groups and each group was given a topic, a poster, a script, and a teacher and they were to make a poster based on their topic and perform a skit in front of the class. This lesson was so engaging that I wish other members of my class got to view it, but because it was a half day, our class was not there. I began the lesson by having students play a quick true and false game. I would say something like "George Washington became the first president after the war" and students would put their hand on their head if what I said is true or hand on their nose if it was false. Afterwards, I explained the directions and the roles of today's lesson. Up to this point, I thought I did great, although I spent longer than necessary on the introduction. I explained the roles well (actor, director, poster creator, and time manager) but I did not explain the directions well and the other members of my group helped me out in order to avoid that awkward silence. I should have added an extra slide with the directions on it, but it is okay. After that, we split students up into groups and my job was to make sure my group of students stayed on task, they each contributed to their role, and practiced their lines. Having students perform the skit was the highlight of all three lessons. Students had such a great time coming up to the front of the classroom, stand behind the curtains that Felicia so beautifully made, and perform their skit, whether it was George Washington or a skit on taxes, in front of their classmates. After all of the groups were done performing, I played a video on fireworks, a great way to end the lesson because it was Friday, it was a half day, and it related to our lesson. All in all, I thought I did a good job. I led most of the lesson, but I am glad that my group members jumped in when they saw I was struggling. As Dr. Smirnova has told me, each lesson I improve and it is important to practice standing in front of a mirror. What helped me out during this lesson is that i did practice while standing in front of a mirror, and that increased my confidence a little bit. However, there is always room for improvement and I have a long way to go.






Even though I am disappointed in myself when it comes to the way this past week went, I need to focus on the positives. That is the only way I can be a teacher. I need to learn from my mistakes and by reflecting, getting feedback, and by looking over the videos on the way I taught the lessons, I can improve. This was a great learning experience for me, and I should be proud of myself. But there will always be a part of me who wishes that I contributed more to the group, that I spoke more, that I made more decisions, that I did not let my group members take as much charge inside and outside of the classroom, that I did not stutter, that I did not let my nerves get the better of me, and the  list can go on and on. But the past is the past and the future is how I make up. Someday, not now, but in the near future I will be that teacher I imagined myself to be.